Saturday, October 23, 2010

I feel like I'm failing you all..

I honestly feel like I have no right to write here anymore. I've been debating for the past weeks on whether I should or not, because my progress hasn't been so good. I'm out of rehab, but I still have to go back every now and then. November first is my next date. I had a blood test Thursday, my mom got my results back and my potassium is at 3.8 when it should be a 4.0 at the very lowest! So she flipped out on me, yeah. I don't know what my weight is and I am absolutely terrified to go check it, but I am going to today. ): Ugghh..I don't know. I'm flabby, all over. I'm going to work out today, and fuck eating. I really don't give a shit about this recovery shit anymore. I'm NOT going to gain weight anymore. Screw you Charlotte, you can go shove it up someones ass who cares, because I DON'T!
So Monday my mom has a meeting with social workers, Charlotte, my dad, lawyers and it's all court ordered because of everything I told the social workers. They're finally doing something about it. My dad wants custody of me and he's going to fight for it. I did a lot better in my 'recovery' at my dad's, and Charlotte doesn't really like my mom either, so obviously she's going to be on my dad's side. And whatever happens, I have no say in. I might have to go live with him this week, I don't know. It's all court ordered so I really do have to do it. I hate this.
Enough about my retarded life, how is everyone? Not updating this makes me feel like I'm missing something, and I hate not being able to talk to you guys. ): Well, yeah. That's all I wanted to say, for now at least. Hmmm..well, thanks for your time, it really does mean a lot.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Eight Days Ago.

Haha I don't know, needed a catchy title.
So rehab; I gotta gain a few pounds and then I'll be free to go back to my ways. Once they stop watching me this fat is coming allllllll off. FUCK YEAH!
I've been waking up at 3:05 every morning for the past few weeks now. Feels good. (:
How's everyone doing? Last night was amazing. Went to my friend's show (he's in a band) and it was absolutely amazing. ♥
not much else to say. I'm feeling inspired, so I might go clean my room.
Hahah bye loveliess ♥

Saturday, October 2, 2010


So please please please don't wait for me,

I'm done with love. It always seems to just punch you in the face. And I feel like crying for hours because of last night. ):
Screw guys, that's all I have to say. Alex and I are done. OVER. From the start, I mean come on. Every single time, this happens.
I wish I could find the most perfect man for me one day. And soon, please!
God, fuck this. I'm going to go write...