Thursday, September 30, 2010

I gotta keep this updated more.

We could of been the best of friends, now I'll never see this place again.

I'm done playing this game of love. This love game. Every single time, I always seem to end up hurt. Led on. Screwed over? Yeah. I have a confession to make. I didn't quit smoking. I've become like literally adicted. I need it now. Fuck this.
I'm sorry. I wish I could stop, and you know maybe I can just like that, but right now things just seem so messed up and I can't take it anymore. Alex (A♥) doesn't seem to want to talk to me. We hung out last night, just up town, nothing happened. He's really quiet. Then again, so am I! But I got my prescription filled and I'll be more chill around him which I so desperately need! But whatever. If he doesn't like me, then I'm done. Every single man I've ever met seems to be just like the last. And it'll never last, it'll never end. Is it really that hard to find just ONE, all I ask for is just one good guy out there. ♥
Please God, why can't I have just one. That's all I want, that's all I'll ever need. Just one good, sweet, cute guy. Like Alex, like E, like Colin, except minus all of their bad things that are not good.

Everyone has flaws though, right? Maybe this is just a flaw that I have; fall for guys too quickly. Yes yes yes. Any man in a flannel, ohmygoodness ♥ I'm fallling all over them! Forr reallz.
Time to stop! Time to get a life! Time to go pick up my weed! 0:

Saturday, September 25, 2010


So I've been pretty much lightin' up every night now. And last night I was supposed to smoke with A♥ but he couldn't make it so I ended up smoking with E and another of his friends. Yeah. I'm done with E. I am done. And after last night, I am done smoking weed. And drinking. I'm getting clean for myself. I don't want anything to do with E anymore. He asked me to homecoming, and I said yes but I'm just going to make up an excuse why I can't go. I don't even like homecoming anyways. And I don't like him. Like, you don't understand.

Well A♥ is E's friend, we met a few nights ago and just started hitting it off. (:
We're supposed to hangout today at the mall, secretly somehow hhaha. He said he can get me a ride, and I'm pretty sure he drives, but yeah. I don't know. I've heard things about him, but I'm not going to think about it. Everyone has a past, yaknow? And everyone has a future. And everyone makes mistakes. I'm done speaking on this subject haha.

Out of fucking rehab, ! (: well i've been for like a week now. next monday i gotta go in and get weighed again. i lost like ten pounds, seriously (: so immma fill up on water and shit before I go. Ahaha.
Well thank you everyone for even reading this and commenting these. It means a lot to me. (:
I go sober.
Let's see how long this lasts again? Haha no, but for real. At least not around anymore guys. Never ever ever again. How can I be so vulnerable? Fuq.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

We've come this far, we will not back down.

Girls, everyone on this site is absolutely beautiful, in my eyes. And we all have this thing telling us not to eat, and we feel good when we don't eat. We just want to be thin, and skinny, and see our bones. Yes yes yes. ♥
And we will accomplish that goal. I just want everyone to know, that I will definitely help you in any way I can. I've been there and done it all before, kinda sad that I'm only fifteen. Hah.
But everyone please just smile, you are beautiful.
Never listen to the shit people wanna' talk about you, it's worthless and so untrue. Listen to your own voice, not the one in your head. Only you can speak and have true happiness. And that's all there is to it.
Last night was pretty dumb. I'm upset over somethings, but on the bright side I got to smoke weed, ate only peanuts/raisins and eight pieces of popcorn. Worked probably most of it off by walking around high. (:
Seriously the herb is the best thing God put on this earth.
I'm reverting to Buddhism soon too. (: I just love the thought of this Buddha guy and peacefulness. I'm becoming a vegetarian again too. Fuck everyone who says I have to eat meat because of my eating disorder and shit, I don't give a flying fuck about what you tell me. I will do what I will do, in the most UNconceited way possible.
Well everyone just stay strong, look at those hip bones and your ribs and feel your tail bone all the way up your back;
for that is pure beauty that most people will never understand. ♥
Have a good day loveys. (:

Saturday, September 18, 2010



just wanted to get my excitement and happiness out.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

A good morning blog.

First off, I have to say that I'm sorry to those who I haven't responded to in comments! ): I really am sorry, and I will do better than my best to comment on every one's and reply. Usually when I get on here I just type a new blog, go through a few of the ones that first pop up, wanting to comment!, but I don't have enough time. But now I am making more time for you guys, I promise.
Next up, um my rehab? Ha, yes I am getting out on Friday! Without a doubt, I'm eating my meal plan and shit now so my weight on Friday and vitals and blood test is all good. And of course I'm going back to my girl ana. ♥ and bel. ♥ haha yes I named them, because they are a part of me no matter how hard I try to fight this, they showed me the best way in life and no one can take that from me. This medication makes me happier, but I'm still talking to ana and bel during the rehab center. (: haha. Dood, anabel!? It's like a name! Hahaha anabel, I love you girls sososososoo much. Thank you.
I fake my meal plan. It says I'm supposed to eat like, for example, a bagel with cream cheese and jelly on BOTH sides, six mini muffins, an 8 oz. cup of milk, and some kind of fruit. Yeah, NO! So yesterday I fed it to my dogs. (: Hehehe and I poured my milk out the window! So basically I didn't eat anything for breakfast, but for lunch I don't have that choice and I HAVE to eat and I HAVE to keep it down at that rehab place. It's called CCED, so if ever refer to it as that, it's that same place. Hah. But yeah, dinner comes up. HELLZ YEAH DOOD! Better believe that I'm not going up to 130 ever again. Even though fucking Charlotte wants me at 140? Uh, yeah right. She's the family counselor for CCED and is just such a bitch. Whatever though, no more having to deal with her (:
Next month I can get my temps, for driving. I'm soooooooo happy. God, why can't I just be 18? As soon as I turn that age I'm getting the hell outtta here. Hopefully with E ♥ (:
Yesss I choose him. But me and brad still talk, he hugs me alot. Hah. Like, I would just have him as a drunk-make-out-buddy? haha but if that happens then he'll force more upon it, and I don't want want that. I want E. Not WANT as in like WANT!! him, I just wish he'd know how I feel. And have felt for a year now!
But I think it'll be hard because, Colin. Yeah, coming back to school, he goes out of his way to look at me. ):
The song "You are the only acception" by it speaks for itself. ♥♥♥♥♥♥
I gave Colin my new number in a message on facebook over the summer, but he never texted me, never replied. And don't tell me he didn't get it, just another one of his lies. Like I don't know. I'd do anything for that boy. If he'd just be honest with me from the start. Okay Megan shut up shut up shut up.
Not obsessive! Just trying to get over Colin. No matter what he does to me, no matter how many pictures he puts up on facebook of him with other girls, no matter what has happened in the past, doesn't matter anymore. It's today that counts.

You are the only acception. <3

Monday when I go back to school, I fear that I'll see Colin a lot more. Even though E is at school, like he's a senior, Colin is my age, my grade. SOPHOMORE! Well I think I've written too much. Comments please, and I'll reply in a heart beat. I promise! (:
Love you alll byeee.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


I used to always to listen to Matchbow Twenty, but then I lost their CDs and just forgot about them. But they just popped in my mind today and I'm downloading all of their songs back onto my ipod. ♥ soooo amazing, their song 'unwell'
Anyways, let's get to the facts. Saturday night I had a kickass time, smoked some k2 and drank five mike's. Hahah then I threw up. Hahaha and there was another kid there, Brad. Sosososo cute. Everyone's telling me that he's such a bad kid and to stay away from him, but I'm just so drawn to him. Like soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo attracted to him. He's cute and what not, but it's like more of a magnetic attraction haha I don't know. He said he wants to fuck me and what not. Aha. We didn't do anything that night because I was so shit faced, I just layed on the floor the whole time. And this weekend we're going to all get together again and partyyy and he said 'this time we'll party hard'. Hahaha.
Yeah, so I don't think I'm going to hang out with them. Maybe, I don't know.
But I've been talking to this other guy, for like years now. Call him E. We've been talking soso much lately and he wants to smoke with me this weekend, so I'm kinda caught between what to choose. Correction, who to choose. E is such a gentleman, never once made a move like Brad. I'll make up my mind soon enough. I don't feel like writing anymore. I'll write again soon though.
I'm still in fucking rehab. getting out this week, only your prayers could do it though. ):

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Tonight's gonna be a good good nighttt. (:

Sorry, but I gotta make this short;
three binges/and three got-'em-back-ups (:
nothing in me attt allll ♥
Going to a friends tonightt, gonna get fcked up!
I wanna talk about K - my friend who has helped me a lot (:
I'll write when I get sobered up!
Bye bye :D

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

like a wave ♥

So today I went into school. I almost cried. It was harder than I thought. But tomorrow I get to go to school again, and I think it'll be easier, hopefully. But only for like, the morning because I gotta go back to CCED. Dood, I fucking hate it there, like you don't understand.
I just wish I had someone here to talk to, someone who understands the abouts of rehab and shit. Someone who understands why I hate my mother so much, someone who understands just everything in my life. Whether you are a girl or guy, I'll love you forever if you'd just understand. <3

Monday, September 6, 2010


What's wrong with the world? Too much.
Girls grow up thinking they have to be stick skinny to please society; to please anyone and everyone.
Why can't they leave kids alone? Because they're fucking selfish, ignorant people in this cruel ass world.
Nobody can be themselves because everyone wants to live up to everyone elses' standards, am I not correct?
When has anyone NEVER cared about what someone else thought about them? Never?
I mean, maybe it's just human nature for us to be judgemental of everyone else around us. Maybe we're supposed to care too much about our bodies and the thoughts going through other's minds. Maybe it's what life is all about?
I don't think so.
Dood, I am fucking done caring about what other's have to say about me. Let people think I'm pregnant and ugly and fat or anorexic or WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT TO. It's human nature to judge someone as soon as we see them, whether we mean to or not; Yes? Yes.
When have you ever not judged someone? I know I do it every single day. Why can't for just once, people not judge others? Why not? Why?
Because it's just the way people are. People are greedy, selfish, lying, deceiving, idiots in this world today. Not everyone, no no no, but definitely most.
I mean, for real, am I not somewhat on the spot about today's world? Or am I just totally insane?
No, don't answer that. I don't care. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yes, but do they really have to shove it in each other's faces? No. But of course they do anyways? Why? I don't know. Maybe I'll never know.

Honestly, people are going to talk shit. They're going to stab you in the fucking back when you least expect it. When you are at your lowest low in life people will just walk all over you, and push you down even harder and lower than you'd ever think possible.

That's where you have to ask yourself, "Do I really want to live this way? Do I really fucking want to take in every little comment people have to say about me?"
And I bet you'll answer "HELL NO."

I guess what I'm trying to say is, trust no one but yourself, for you don't know anyone better than you. You shouldn't listen to what others say about you; don't let it get you down. You cannot please everyone, let alone anyone in this world today. People are always, always going to judge you whether you want them to or not, it's uncontrollable. Why worry over something you can't control? Do something about what you can control, and that's worry about your own self. ♥
My goodness, my fingers are exhausted.
Does this make any sense? You're entitled to your opinion. (:

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Morning Sickness.

Is that normal? Oh dear.
So quite a lot has changed since my last post, I've been like too upset to write, but I need to get all of this out. I'm back in fucking rehab. Yeah, that place I was in before. I can't hide this shit anymore. Even though I just got up my dinner last night, I can't loose any weight. This so sucks. Like I've cried every single night for a week, is that healthy? No. Wow I'm good at answering my own questions! Ahaha. Blaahhh.
I get prescribed this Ativan? Some like anxiety thing. I take about four maybe six? Then smoke two cigs. Shit damn I am fucked up! I love it though ♥
Not being in school is kinda weird, but I don't care. I'll be behind and shit, oh well.
One last thing I wanted to say, was that I tried to kill myself one night. I think just Monday? I don't remember. I had Tylenol PM pills, like nine, took two, and had the rest in my hand. Crying my eyes out and everything, texted a few friends 'I love you' and even my sister. She told my mom about that and then mother walks in. I hand her them.
Whatever, I don't want to be fat. I know I'll loose all of it again. Oh dear lord, please help me get through this. Please please please.
Girls stay strong, and don't take shit from no one. They want to be thin, but aren't strong enough like us. We got it in us to be thin, we are supposed to be, no matter what. Stay strong, and I love all of you. ♥
Byeee, for now.