I need something different, I need a change. I'm going to devote myself to this blog, to the very best ability I can. I want somewhere to call home, and every time I find myself posting on here, I feel stable. So, therefore I am going to write at least every day. It's something I'm going to do for myself, I want to remember all the stupid shit I've done (haha) and every little thing about my days.
Starting off, last night a lot went down. I called the cops on my mom. 7:30 pm; comes in my room, yelling and drunk off her ass, grabs me by the hair and shakes me. I don't do anything but push her off me and I said don't touch me. After more of her random outbursts she left, and I laid in bed, talking to Mitchel. Of course, two hours later she comes back in, and I've just had it. She's asking for my phone, yes my phone, she's not paying for it, and I told her she has no right to take it. More yelling happens, whatever, and as soon as she walks out of my room the door closes behind her and I jump up and slam it shut. Apparently she was right on the other side and I broke her glasses or something. I hold the door for like three minutes until she finally lets go so I can lock it and then I call the cops. When they came they knew she was intoxicated, but they don't do anything. They told me to call my dad, I did twice, and he didn't answer so I was stuck home with her for the night. The cops asked her what it would take for her to leave me alone and she said she wants my phone. I have no choice, so I handed the officer my phone, and then they leave. We don't have a house phone, only cell phones and that's why my phone is so important to me. She wasn't supposed to talk to me or anything the rest of the night, so I lock my door and go to bed. She's yelling at me through the door, swearing, calling me every name you could think of. Then she takes my door handle off? What the hell! I'm upset and crying and everything. Ugh! I just hate her! I prayed my heart out last night too. I wanted to die so bad. And I look this morning and my arms are covered in bruises. I only told the cops she grabbed my hair, didn't mention anything about her hitting me and grabbing me, what else is new. Not like they'd do jack shit anyways. ):
So that was my night. Yup, sounded great, doesn't it? So I was stuck home all day, thank God she was at work, without a phone. No one to talk to. I don't know what to do. I'm stressin' about school and this whole situation with court...I don't know what I'm going to do. If I get expelled, I'm moving in with my dad, hands down. If I don't, then fuck it. Honestly I don't know anymore. I have no control over anything anymore. And I've lost ten pounds again, and it doesn't help I have to gain it all back again by November 30th for my appointment.
I have terrible migrain, so I'm going to go. I'll write tomorrow, a promise to myself. Well only if I can, because my mom's going to be home..