Today I get to meet with the eating disorder people :D
Yeah, fucking right. I hate it!
Uhhhhgggghh. Last night I broke down. I'm like back in the 130's, with clothes on. And I couldn't stop crying last night. All my hard work, everything I've done, for nothing? This is a fact that I'll forever be fat and ugly and disgusting and huge. Nothing fits right anymore, and I'm convinced others can see it too. ): But I have to pass my blood test Thursday, so I don't know what to do. As much as I want to throw my insides up, I can't. But after Thursday, look out. I'm restricting and if I do eat, I'm getting it all out and then more. I'll work out until I pass out. I'm pushing myself to no end. Even if I have no energy for school, I don't care. At least I'll be the one gaining self control which doesn't weigh an ounce. I've never been so serious about something my whole life, and this time I will not fail. I'm only smarter now, and more wiser and cautious about being caught. I won't get caught. I'll go about it all again and this time I'll loose even more. I know how to get past these people, I know all the right things to say. I'll show you Charlotte, you won't even know what hit you when I show up next month.
Well, I don't know what else to say. It's Monday! And I should be in school but I feel literally so sick. Nothing ED related either, just the normal fall time flu.
I'm going to get going now, cleaning helps me distract a lot and I love it. <3