Tuesday, June 15, 2010

clarification.

I was thinking the other day that all my blogs sound crazy, hah. Or that I'm on drugs or depressed or whatever you name it. But honestly, I'm not at all like that! Maybe I just get weird typing? I dunno, hahah. Weelll tonight I went to softball; I've fallen back in love. The coach didn't have me in much because I haven't been showing up for the games so he left me out altogether, but I played center a few times. I hope I don't pitch tomorrow though, I haven't warmed up in eons! So Friday Brenna and I are hanging out :) She's the one I usually drink with, heh. And Hope (who I smoke and drink with :D) hasn't been replying to my texts so I'm guessing she doesn't have her phone, but we've gotta hang out soon too. Summer is amazing. Maybe it started off a little hazy and rough, but I'm not moping around the house anymore. I'm going to get out and experience life. Except for one thing, I'm not going to go with my bessfriend on that trip to Ocean City, Maryland. Although I've yet to tell her, I'm kinda scared on how she's going to react. Like I've been avoiding her for a while now and she finally confronted me about it. And honestly, I just don't like being around her anymore. She just gets on my nerves soooo easily, and she's just . . . not my type of person. I don't mean to sound like a ruthless, cold-hearted bitch, and it's not like I'm mean to her in any way at all, I've just been slowly drifting away from her. She's been my best friend since third grade though, seven years and we've stuck through it all. It's kinda sad, but it's just life. She doesn't care about school, whereas I do. I'm not going into detail, but I guess we're just complete opposites. And sure opposites attract as 'they' always say but not anymore.
I'm growing up. I'm a changing person, for better and maybe for worse. I'm making different decisions than what I normally would and I'm even surprising myself. I'm finding out life, it's not all fun and easy in the real world, it can be harsh at times and you've got to fight to get to where you want to be. I haven't cried in months, no break downs, nothing and I'm feeling so good about it. I just hope it doesn't happen at some random, inconvenient time.I hope it doesn't happen at all.
Am I rambling? I think I am. Oh dear, here comes the crazy-me again. Maybe I should update you on how I've been? Haha well I'm at 115 now :) the numbers are continuing to decrease and I've been ecstatic about it. Maybe 114 by tomorrow night, I just gotta not binge and purge because my mom's going to be home. She works Tuesdays and Thursdays and every other weekend. But I always get away with doing so anyhow. I need help, I truly do. I don't want to throw up anymore. I don't want to eat anymore. I wish I didn't have to live off food. I wish I wasn't addicted to food - I'm really starting to think I am. Either that, or I'm just obsessed with the tastes. But that's the same thing, right.
Rambling again, sorry. I'll let you loveys go. Byeee, :)

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for commenting, you will see it soon, I know you will.
    I think that 110 is quite heavy for me, because I'm so short. I only 4'10" (No, I'm being serious lol) so every pound shows.

    You seem to be doing wonderfully, keep it up. :)
    X

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  2. Glad to hear you're doing well :) Dont have much insight to add, but I like your little bit about life. Growing up kind of sucks sometimes.
    Xoxo

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