realization.

I'm lost. I had five b/p's yesterday, talk about no selfcontrol. I was still 117 last night, so now I'm hoping to see 116 today. No more school, how great is that! :) Summer is finally here!! Tonight I have a softball game, I hope I'm not pitching; I haven't practiced in over a week. I'm just so tired all the time, I litterally nap every day for at least three hours! I think it's the meds I'm on. Oh well, I'm burning calories so that's good. :)
I hope my sister comes home soon, she went out with friends last night to a bonfire or something. She's seventeen, and she's basically the 'angel' in the fam. Straight A's, always studying, no boyfriends (ever!), she doesn't wear makeup, she never used drugs before, doesn't swear; she's just perfect. Except she's kinda bigger, like 150 pounds haha. She's muscley so that's probably why. And she tells my mom on me for any little thing I do! It suckss, but the thing my mom doesn't like is that she doesn't have a job. She's so lazy and my mom's finally been on her ass about it. I mean, I feel kinda bad but it's about time my mom did something. Me and my sister don't get along at all, basically because we're complete opposites. The other day (please don't judge me on this!) I was snoopin' in her room and I came across her diary. Of course, silly old me, I accidently opened it and may have slipped a peek inside. (OOOPS!) And surprisingly she just wrote something on 6/6/10 which was Sunday? But it was just saying how she hates my mom, and how I've kinda been a bitch to her lately. I know, I may be rude to her sometimes. But about my mom, you see, she's an alcoholic. She's been ever since we were little. And when she's drunk she gets angry and violent and starts screaming at us. Lately it's been more so directed towards my sister because of her 'jobless-ness'. And my sister wrote about how she doesn't give a fuck anymore. She wants to move out as soon as she can, and she will. She said she wants to get a job now because she can't stand being home with my mom, and she's trying to spend as much time away from home as she can (like she is now). But the one thing that really struvk me is that she said "I'm going to start drinking and doing drugs now just to put it in my mom's face. I really want to try pot soon, maybe sometime later this week or next week." DIRECT QUOTE as I remember it. I almost died, like my sister seriously wanting to do weed!?! FUCK YEAH! :D like shitt son, I wanna be there when she does it for the first time, honestly I think that if she does this and likes it, it could be the one thing we have in common! :) haha I know that sounds kinda bad but seriouslyy. I'm going to talk to her about it, just bring it up casually and see what she says. I'm not going to tell my mom about it, why the hell would I? I'm not at all like that, but if my sister tells my mom I'll prolly flip a bitch. But yeahh, so I'm excited for the weekend, if it all goes down. :) Ahh, well I'm going to go now, have a good day everyone!