Friday, May 13, 2011

I need a nap.

What a tiring day, like seriously.
School wore me out today and I didn't even really do anything?
Whatever, at least I restricted pretty damn well; only two bananas! Haha if that really even counts as restricting, I don't know. But that's all I'm going to have today, maybe a nice cup of tea soon to hold me over? If I fail restricting then I'll have a binge and purge. Oh well, it is what it is.
I'm kinda pissed at blogger for being down yesterday, does anyone agree with me?! Hah, I like actually wanted to write and shit and it says that they are down - wtf! Today I'll write everything though.
My stomach is screaming for food. :( I might give in...
Anyways, Adam gets out on Monday. I know, I said that with no enthusiasm whatsoever. One month ago, to this very day (April 13) I was head over heals for the guy. We've been writing letters back and forth and it just made my heart smile. Now, I don't want a relationship with him. I don't, and I think I really shouldn't get involved too much with him. I'm already in deep because he thinks he'll use me and have me when he gets out. I don't know though, I mean my eyes have really opened up and I see so so so so many more options out there. There's this one cute & smart boy in training and conditioning with me; I feel a little crush coming on. I'd like to pursue him a bit more and get to know him and what not before I throw myself at him. Not literally but as in like, drop everyone I'm talking to and go for him. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Well who knows. I actually like beign singe too, it makes me feel free. I just want someone there for me; someone I can hang out with all the time to distract me from this ED and someone who'll compliment me and just make me feel good without having to kiss him or do sexual shit with him. I don't want that right now, I'm really not ready. No guy seems to respect that, but I'm not letting my gard down. When I say that, I mean it. I'm not letting what happened in July happen all over again.
Tears are coming. Ugh.


Enough with all that.
I'm gonna' go. Sleep sounds nice right now. Hope everyone is doing well, stay strong. ♥

1 comment:

  1. i was pissed that it was down too i was like freking out having a breakdown i relaly needed to blog yesterday
    if u dont wanna b eith him then dont b with him