Friday, August 5, 2011

I thought I could be strong.

Lately I've been having crazy dreams and last night's just pushed me over the edge.

I was getting ready for Homecoming, and like...I don't know it was all weird.

But anyways, I ended up at my mom's house, she wasn't home though? And I looked in the mirror and I hated how I looked; just felt so down about myself. Then I guess I had a dirt stain on my dress and my hair looked like shit and my make up was fading. I felt so ugly and it wasn't even my weight, at least not that I can recall. And it just sucks because it's how it is in real life. I care so much about my appearance. In my dream I was crying and saying I wasn't going and all my friends were out in the living room waiting on me. I felt so ugly. So ugly.

So here's a picture of me. I felt so pretty and confident when I took it, you can tell by my facial expression hah. My mouth is all like, "ohhh yeah, i'm hot shit." But it's like now when I look at this, I want to delete it and hide somewhere. So I'm posting it here, for all you to see the real me. Not 'emm', just me.

Did you know that emm was just for my intitials? My names Megan, and M is the first letter, but it's pronounced 'em'. I just used that.
Hah yeah. So I'm 120 with a T-shirt and sweats on. Didn't feel like stripping this morning to get on it. So I'm probably 118 again? Yay. Not really. Every time when I hear a new low number for me I'm happy, but then after a few days of being that new low number, it gets old, and I want to get lower. I'm not saying that anyone who is 118 or above is big. NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO!
Everyone here is beautiful, soooo beautiful. I wish ED didn't come into your lives and take over, but it happened and there's nothing I can do but lend my heart and support out to everyone. ♥
I'm here for anyone & everyone if they need anything. Someone to vent to, talk to, cry to, lean on, anything, I'm here. ♥♥♥ :))


  1. thanku so much for ur comments hun they really do mean alot to me to know that some1 acutallyunderstands and cares its so hard in my life to deal witha ll thisi dont have mt scale tape meaurs razors or pills all my crutches have been taken away from me and its just so hard to deal not knowing

    but u look great hun so pretty

  2. That is not a bad picture, at all.

    Thanks for your comment, it's always good to find someone who is going through the same sort of thing. Night binges get me like no other. I'll be feeling great about the day's intake, or lack thereof, and then I just... destroy it. But I keep telling myself that tomorrow will be different. It never is.

  3. You're pwetty :D I'm 120 right now too, but i think either you're taller or you 're more muscular, 'cause i look twice the size of you ): And i totally get what you mean about wanting to get lower and lower. Dreams are said to be the opposite of reality; i'm sure you'll look stunning on your homecoming (:

  4. Your absolutely stunning, I wish you could see that!