three things.

1) I've decided to change the title of my blog. I don't believe in "what nourishes me also destroys me" anymore; food doesn't nourish me at all, it just straight up kills me.

2) I've learned that I can't depend on anything anymore. Binging and purging is for me is coming to an end, it just has to. I can't depend on throwing the food back up. Sometimes I can't get it back up when it comes up on its own. It's retarded.

3) I can't plan ahead. I have to stop saying that by tomorrow I'll be this weight, or Monday I won't eat. It doesn't work for me. I'm only living for the day, the very hour and that's it.



For the past two days I've been extremely ill with a 103 degree fever. Today it kind of went down to 100 but I'm still dizzy. When I get back to normal I'll start exercising; I'm going to push myself over the limit. Today I ate a lot. I went to get on the scale around 2:30 pm, and I almost died. The scale said 128. How it got there, I don't know. yesterday I had a binge and could only get about half of it up, but I was only 124. And I didn't eat anything else after that, only a cup of tea and some water to swallow my medicine. Today I drank a whole pitcher of kool-aid, which eventually went through me, so I don't see how I'm 128. Well 129/130 now because I ate some eggs and peanuts just a little bit ago. I can't do this anymore, please, I need someone to text or call. Anyone in the U.S. please, I really need you right now. I'm just going to stop eating, I am going to gain self control. I'm going to loose all this weight and I know it's not going to happen over night. I'm going to work at this and fight until I am 110 lbs. I'm not backing out, even if I have no one to talk to to get me through this, I have myself and all 130 lbs and that's all I need. I have nineteen followers now, and I couldn't say thank you enough. I would never of thought I'd have any, but there's more people out there who have ED's than I thought. Please leave a comment, I'll try to respond! Good luck everyone, and just know that I'm here if you need anyone. :)