thanks everyone, for comments on my last post.
i just didn't want anyone to worry about me, i know you all have things of your own to deal with. i just wanted to get it out for myself, so i know i'm not the only one who knows. i have no one to tell at home here, no friends that i can trust. i don't want anything to do with guys right now, not to be rude but i think i have the right to say that. and it doesn't help with the fact that this guy i used to like / talk to is talking to me again and wants to hang out. he's like pressuring mee, "damn i miss you so *effin much" . "we gotta hang out soon!! LIKE SOON!" .
and etc. he's a pretty nice guy, i guess, but i'm not at all ready to even hang out with someone right now. no no no.
in fact, the very first time that i met him, and it was within ten mintues of hanging out, he asked me 'if i wanted to do anything.'
yeah, i'm not hanging out with him. ): i don't need this shit again.
well i have another out-patient appt. at that place. 3:30. this time i'm just going to go along with it. it sucks because every time i go there i end up crying terribly. i don't know if its from everything that happened in the past week...or just realization setting in. since my mom found the bags last monday? i think it was, i've told everyone that i haven't done it since then. that's the story, itt's been a week. when really i've still been doing it everyday. ): it's easier now, i don't know why, but i have to eat infont of my mom, okay....then she goes outside to have a cigarette and drink a beer, great. so of course i go get it up! dammit. but i've gotten my period, so thats pretty good. i don't know. i'm just worrying about getting pregnant more so than eating and shit. i'm going to see if i can buy a test this weekend, is it too soon to tell???? i don't know. by getting my period does that mean i'm automatically not??? i have some research to do. i mean, i'm fifteen. i can't have a baby. and i can't have an abortion. and i can't give it up for adoption. and i definitelyy cannot harm it..him or her..by throwing up! ): i'm ging to stop. for the sake of this. i don't know. this is the scariest thing i've ever gone through....well it's up there. no, it tops it all. i'm going to google everything i need answered, since i don't have anyone to talk to home here. thanks everyone, really. you guys are the only ones who understand me..and are here for me. it means a lot, i actually have people to rely on. thank you, just so much.
if anyone has a myspace, here's my address;
or a facebook i don't know if the links are still the same but talk to me through myspace..
i love you guys, and i hope for the best for everyone.
stay strong, i know i'm trying too.