Saturday, July 10, 2010

two little boxes that hold all of my life.

ive finally got everything all packed up. not that i'm going anywhere, anytime sooon.
i'm moving out of my mothers house as soon as these out-patient appoinments end. helllloo father. he doesn't even know yet, and neither does she. oh god, who knows whats going to happen when she finds out. i know he'll be understanding and accepting, something i truly need for once. enough he / she this and that...
well i'm going to fake my way through my classes, eat and shit, no bad food thoughts, no purging, nothiiiinnnnngg. that should run me hopefully only three weeks, maybe some follow up sessions, but i don't know. i'm going to put on some weight, and i'm terrified. i'm back down to 113.5 and i'm sososoo happy. but come monday, they'll weigh me. no wait, tuesdays and fridays it is. and i read in the booklet they gave me that i'll be in a given hospital gown, meaning my jeans and clothes can't weight me down. time to stuff the bra though! aha. idk whatt i'm going to do. i'm going to stop looking at the scale until i'm done. and maybe i will fully recover from all of this. i hope i do, i hope i don't. my mom just told me today that i'm killing myself. what else is new. fioenfinfr
xc i
i fucking hateee her. damnnnnit.
even when i'm home and she 'monitors' me eating and such, i still get away with binging and purging! and its pretttty damn obvious too! i don't knoww, whatever.
one day at a time, one day at a timee....
i'm going to get goingg, i'm supposed to go out with my dad tomorrow to some boat show? i'm going to tell him then. i just hope i have the courage to... /:
god i could use some legitshhhitt right now to feel numb. toooo much going on.
i'm feeling almost sick to my stomach and it's not the bulimia.
byee. <3

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for your comment, brightened up my day a bit [: He's really not terrible, he's great... I just don't think he understands. Well, rather, I know he doesn't. He doesn't mean to be a jerk, he just says stupid stuff like that sometimes, ugh.
    However your week goes with your mother and weigh ins and everything, I hope it goes as good as it can <3
    Take care,