Friday, August 6, 2010

blah blah blah.

things are lookin' better as each day goes on.
still at my dad's but i'm worried about school. i'm in a different town and i looked up the school out here online and it says the custodial parent must register the child for the school. and see, the problem is my mother is the custodial parent. she still has full custody. dammit. ): i need to get to court soon. and about monday night, she said she's thinking about pressing charges. yeah, wtf. i hope she does, because i sure as hell know i'm going to. today i saw her in the family therapy meeting for the eating disorder counseling and stuff. i'm not going to call her, i'm never going to talk to her outside of that place. no, i'm done. and i said it straight up today in the meeting. i can't even make eye contact with her, i just can't.
i mean, it's getting to me. the guilt. that's my mother i'm talking about. but i never had a real mom. just a drunk lady in the house my whole life. someone asked me, ''how can you just be done with her like that, i couldn't do that to my own mom, as in shut her outta my life completely.'' and i just replied, ''you have a relationship with your mom. you have a bond. see, i don't have anything like that, no connection, nothing."
it's sad, but it's the truth. i mean, i have no emotional attachment to my mom. there's nothing there. i have no feelings towards her; everything just seems numb.
but whatever. i don't need and i certainly don't want any reliance on anyone in my life. i don't need a guy to 'complete me' or support me in life with money. i don't need any of that, i'm dependent on my own and i'll be happy as ever. maybe one day i'll let my ED back into my life, but i don't know. that won't be for a few years or so, when i can leave and get away with it.
anyways, i'm going to try to talk to my dad about court and everything. i feel bad, i mean, he's done so much for me. he had to pay 987$ to the ED place for treatment bills my mom 'couldn't' pay. when she goes out and spends hundreds of dollars on herself each week. whatever. i'm done.
i went to the mall today with my sister and her friends. i bought a pair of shorts and i got another one for a penny. size three. (: made me happy. a little tight, but they'll be more loose eventually.
god i can't wait until fall time. i want the birght colors on the trees and the smell and oh goodness. i'm getting carried away.
well i'm gonna' go. have a good day everyone. <3

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry about your mother. Your dad seems like he really cares though.
    Autumn is my favourite time of year too. Well august is autumn but autumn doesn't really start until September.