Saturday, July 23, 2011

Got caught, again. Blood tests a few days ago revealed my potassium level which is "dangerously low", dad or Pam took all the bottles from my room, even the one that I just purged in! So they know what's up. But Pam didn't say a word about it? And my dad's at work, so this will be interesting when he gets home. Yeah, I said it; home. He has custody of me now and I thought it was for the better, but who knows. Right now it doesnt look too good for me. PLUS I was writing a letter to Adam and I don't have an envelope so I left it open on the dresser, and it was moved. In it I told him about how it's so easy to sneak out and such, aha. So I'm praying to God they didn't read it? But they took my laxatives, fucking everything. All the drawers are messed around with, I can tell because I am so organized and clean.
I just hate this. I hate being me. I hate waking up every morning, every single God damn morning, to look at myself in the mirror and see my fat everywhere. EVERYWHERE! No one understands; I'm always hungry, always wanting to lose weight, wanting to eat everything in sight one minute, then starve myself the next. No one gets it. Bulimia fucking sucks. Anything you eat, even if it's the most healthiest thing ever, I will throw it up. Or find something more to binge on and then get it up.
Enough of me complaining. /:
Those laxatives weren't cheap!
I want to eat something. I poured out a full bottle of gatorade last night so I have at least something for today! Hiding under my pillows, I know, gross right? But I'm this desperate to not get fucking fat. Why don't I work out more? I think I'm going to look into like energy mega boosting pills, so that'll help in the littlest way with my depression and down mood to bring me up!
Thank you guys for the compliments on my legs. I don't know the measurements, but I'll find like a string? Ha put it around my thigh, then lay it out and measure it on a ruler? I really have no idea how to do that shit, if I get an actual measure tape that would look so so so bad on my half if anyone found it. But I can fit in a size 0 Hollister jeans, if that helps? Hmm here's one more picture of my legs.

Ew you can see the scars from cutting on the right one. They're prolly tanner now and this is from last week so I'll measure and put a new picture of them up.
If any of you have a facebook/tumblr, forsure let me know. :)
Stay strong everyone. I'm certainly trying. I gotta work at three today, hopefully a manager is there so that I can ask for more hours, even though I can't do my job right and I always mess up, I NEED MORE HOURS!
Loveee youu all. ♥


  1. That is the worst! I'm sorry its all going down like that mia is horrid and it sucks to get caught. *I don't know how you feel about the five-fingered-discount, but personally I have never 'bought' expensive and too awkward!

  2. I'm so sorry they went through your room like that :( but no matter how they try you can still just refuse to eat. You'll find ways to hide it from them :). A size 0 Hollister?!?!?! You have NO IDEA how jealous/proud of you I am :D seriously that's amazing! I wish i was that tall are you? I don't think i'd be able to wear that size even if i lost enough cause i'm so tall (5'9".) great job!!! stay strong!

  3. i know how u feel hun i got busted over the wkd not by parents though the boyfriend on th epills the cutting the crazy voices and the ed im losin gmy mind cause everything is gone no scale or tape measure or pills an drazors its so hard but i got lucky we didnt takeme to hospital even though he wanted too
    stay strong hun