I feel like completely breaking down. I haven't had a good cry in a while. I'm still at 125, ate and threw up my insides twice today. So my boyfriend colin and I got into a fight. He's really big on health and such, and I simply told him that I'm trying not to binge and he flipped out on me. I said I wasn't eating (even though I was) and he was like yeah sure, whatever. How would he know, is he looking through my windows or something?! So I said "Fine, if it makes you happy I'll go shove my fingers down my throat." He replied "Okay, that's fine by me." So I went and threw up, never texted him back. But seriously, why would someone say that? Now that just makes me feel so unbelievably worse about myself. I'll fucking show him.
Tomorrow I'm fasting, I need to cleanse this disgusting body of mine. I feel the tears coming. I'm going to do crunches then I'm going to cry myself to sleep.