Tuesday, April 6, 2010

your hearing damage, your mind is restless.

thank you for my first follower :D haha that just made me happy! :)
weell, i'm at 126 still but i had a cup of coffee this morning, so it's probably that weight. i'll wait on it for a few hours, i'll drink some water to flush it out.
today's my first game, i'm so excited! but i think we're going to loose because no one knows what they're doing. ah well. i'm the starting pitcher, so if i do well we might actually have a chance, hah. i'm afraid that i might get dizzy or something, so i think i'll have like half a banana. it can't be that bad, right? i mean i'll burn it plus more, so by tonight i should be 125! :)
tomorrow i'm going to this fair / carnival with my bestfriend. :D i'm excited but i think she'll probably make me eat; but i won't. i almost wanna tell her everything, we've been best best friends for like seven years now? i feel bad, but i know if i tell her she'll make me get help or some sht. /: i can't tell her.
i want to share my horoscope from yesterday;
" Your life has taken a serious turn, and a sensible approach to your current responsibilities will help you make the most of this phase. Don't try to avoid the intensity now because it narrows your focus. Fortunately, the more you are able to concentrate your attention, the more effective you can be in overcoming your own resistance to change. "
i found this pretty ironic but i usually connect with them somehow. creepy, i know. haha
i'm going to take a shower, then i have to leave for my game by two. i'll write laterr, wish my team luck! :)
ah, whatta day!
well i ate a whole banana, and a 140 cal. / 3grams of fat granola bar :( not so bad, but i just binged terribly around seven, but its all back up, :) so i'm finally at 125! well its like 125.6 but still! i'm soo proud of myself. if i can get to 120 by monday, i will for sure loose ten more pounds back in school. sometimes i wonder what i'm really doing to my body when i throw up...i mean, it scares me that i'm like 'killing myself'. what if i die when i'm 30? well, let's hope i stopped by then. but still, i don't know.. i know i'll conitnue fasting and restricting and such, but throwing up i'll try to stop when i'm at like 110. i'll only do that on complete emergencies. but until then, i'll do whateverrr it takes. but anyways, we lost our
game. whatta surprise. i pitched very well tonight though, i don't mean to brag at alll, but i did do good.
i'm going to go do 200 crunches before i go to bed tonight though - my boyfriend gave this girl he used to like a diet routine, because he's big on health and such and she wanted one, and she's on my softball team and she said how she did 150 crunches and ran a mile or something. we're pretty good friends too, hah but i'm going to beat her. i don't know how i can walk/run a mile every day because i don't have a treadmill or anything like that, but i live on a dead end street, so i'll just take my dogs for walks. my mother will never know.
well i feel sick and i'm terribly sun burnt, i hope i don't have sun poisoning; i've been outside tanning every day since last thursday! hah but i'll do my crunches, get a good nights sleep, and wake up tomorrow to go to practice at 9 am. how lovely! hahha no but i'll write tomorrow after the carnival thing with my friend. goood night world, :)

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