Tuesday, June 7, 2011

3/12/12 ♥

@ ToxicwastEDgal ;
Thank you! :) It's really is a sum total of us. We control what we do, say; how we walk, respond; what we say; and the list goes on. Never feel like you can't do what you want to do, you have to start from knowing that you can please everyone. It's an acceptance matter that takes time & I know you can reach it. Just stay strong. ♥

So March 12, 2012 is the day I'm looking forward to. Adam is released from jail then. Will I wait for him? Of course. Will I wait forever? I don't know.
I'm writing him a letter right now. I'm debating on whether or not to send him all the letters I've been writing to him or to still keep them and send a few. I want to start sending them again everyday to keep him a little sane, ha, but I don't have the stamps or envelopes to do so. Hell, I don't even have the money. But if there's a will, there's a way. Yes? I still have my faith in him and he even said he'll change. He says that this is no way to live and I couldn't be happier to hear those words come from him.
Now for me to say those words about ana. I don't think I can, yet. I don't know what it will take for me to say it either, I just hope and pray to God that I'm not sitting in rehab when I finally do say it.
Hmm I don't know.
Huge binge this morning.
Then I ate raisins, strawberries, grapes & one banana. Kept it in. As long as the food doesn't have fat in it, I think I'll keep in down. Calories on the other hand, it cann't be above 200. Even 150 is my limit. :(
I'm so limited enough in life, now my food is too. But it's worth it in the end, I won't be some fat ass blob. Fuck that.
I say fuck too much. I'll stop.
My dad just asked me to set the table for dinner. What to do, oh what to do.


  1. Thank you for this =] It was really inspirational. Especially since I'm starting to lose weight again, I really need to be told more often that my success relies solely on me, in terms of weight loss.
    But anyway, I can't believe your limit if only 150 =/
    I used to set a limit that low a little while ago but I'm trying something diff. this time around.
    Hopefully you were able to avoid dinner though!

  2. i think u should send the letters hun