I've been wanting to blog so much lately, but I couldn't because my dad wouldn't let me on the computer. I'm grounded, ha. Last Friday I went out with Madison ♥ my girl, and we got shit faced, completelyyyyyyyyyyyyy plastered. I don't remember a thing! But as long as I didn't hook up with anyone it's all good. :)
No but I guess when I came inside, I threw up everywhere..yeah long story haha but that's pretty much what's been going on.
Fuck, never drink and take muscle relaxers. Especially on a day of your finals. Whatever, passed out at noon, woke up by seven ha. :) We started drinking at seven in the morning! Me and Madison. She's all I got right now since Tori is gone. I'm kinda glad we have some space, but it's like I'm so alone. Ed hasn't been at all nice to me lately. I just drank two cups of tea so hopefully that will drown her out for a while.
I met with my mom yesterday, supervised visit. Pretty lame, she made me cry and shit. Yet I want to go back there? I don't know why. She hurts me so much but I love her so much, that's not right!
Don't you hate after purging how you're so thirsty sometimes? These are one of those times.
My mom said that there's something inside me eating me up. I laughed.
If only she knew how bad Ed is, how I completely bullshitted my way around everyone. But I miss CCED (Ed rehab) and I want to go back. Maybe it's just because of all the loving people there. Clair & Britt ♥ . All of the other girls with Ed. I can relate so much, I like feel at home. They see me cry & watch me grow. It's peaceful there, for the most part.
I need to find my inner peace. And until I do so, I'll probably fast. I have sand in my ear hahah, Madison & I were rolling in the volleyball sand court this morning, I think :)
Well. I'm super tired. Sorry Colin but I will not be sending you pictures tonight, even though you are and probably always be my first love who is a complete douche. Last April - what he said to me will always be with me
"I'll shove my fingers down my throat then"
Fine, I don't care
And you still seem to never care. All you want is to hook up with me & then push me back down. You're not tying me down this time boy, I'm free.
Adam wrote me a letter; court on june 1 apparently didn't go well. I don't know how long he's in for, but I'll find out in the next letter. I love that boy, but I don't think I can have a relationship with him. He's in jail, that's not a very good future. Sure I'll help him and I will, I'm not going to just leave. But until he can be sober and stable, then I'll be with him. It breaks my heart to say that but I mean, I'm growing up & I can't wait forever.
I need more tea. & SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Hope everyone is well. ♥