Thursday, June 9, 2011

Addicted much?

I'm literally addicted to food. I am.
I can't NOT taste it, & when I taste it I need to get filled up from it. Super filled, I'm searching for fulfillment but I don't seem to get it from anywhere but food.
My stomach blows up to the size of a beach ball after a binge, no joke, and then after ... it goes back to it's regular size but still. Hmmm
I wish I never started down this path. I wish I never did any of this.
I'm letting everyone down. I don't want to be a let down anymore.
I'm sorry Meggg (you know who you are♥) but right after texting you I went outside like I said. Then Pam, my dad's girlfriend says that she is going out. Okay cool, home alone! Not cool. I can't stop myself when no one's home.
I binged. I purged. I took pills. I binged again. I purged. Right now I'm freaking out because I know I didn't get all of this up, but I'm so tired of throwing up. I'm still home alone, causing my second binge. I'm sorry.
I need to lose this disgusting stomach of mine. For real. It's huge, I'm huge, my thighs are huger. God please fuuuhhhh hahaha almost swore there! But no, God please help me. Just help me. I don't know what to ask to help me with, but just help me.

F you Ryan.
-He's this kid I hooked up with weeks ago-
He says all this bs to me & vulnerable fat old me gives in. Whatever, I hate him. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. Never felt this way before towards someone, but he used me and I am done with that bs.
Yes I know I betrayed Adam, but it was the night I found out he's back in jail & gave them all a really hard time & I thought he wouldn't change so I'm like screw this. I was drunk too, that just makes everything better!
Not really, but you know.
Actually alcohol = looooovee ♥
But my parents are both alcoholics, way to follow down that path!
Alright, well excuse me while I go vomit my insides up because my stomach is feeling fat & I need to empty it more.
Thanks everyone, 50 followers now! Yaay. :)
Thank you all so much. ♥


  1. sorry that ur havinga rough time hun

  2. oh meggie. how i worry about you.

    i wish that one day (soon!) you will realize how beautiful you are and then Ed will not be so loud in your ears and maybe you could fight him. you dont deserve this. you have been in my prayers since day ONE! when i first met you and i will always be praying for you.

    God, please watch over meg, as she is strong enough to overcome anything, especially with the ones who love her and cherish her. Please grant her the courage to turn her life around: to seek help and to seek fulfillment. Please help her, watch over her, be with her.

    Amen. <3

  3. I'm really sorry that you're having a tough time lately. I don't think your stomach is disgusting, you have lovely legs in the pictures on the right, and I'm quite positive you have a lovely stomach as well. I don't want to seem lecturing (ha, I always say this before saying something lecturing-ish), but please please be careful with purging, even though you already know this! I hope that you stay safe, and that you're okay. I know you have the strength to break out of the binge/purge cycle. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Stay beautiful. <3