Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Medication really makes you crazy.

@ CAliChica;
Thanks lovely, now to keep that in mind for next time. ♥

@ ivy;
Haha yes yes :)

@ Dani;
Yes, it is like 'fuck off!' I hate this disease too, but keep your chin up because someday you'll be free. ♥

10:10 a.m.
Coffee coffee coffee.
Don't you hate it when you can over hear your dad and his girlfriend talking about you? It's horrible, it truly is. But it makes me not want to eat at all.
10:11 a.m.
Sorry about my last post. These medications are really messing with my head. I still took them this morning, and even an extra of both of them! Why? I don't know. Maybe I'll get sick.
10:12 a.m.
I really don't know why I'm writing down the hour to the minute. Ha, just go along with it and tell me I'm not losing my mind! Haha no but,
10:13 a.m.
Okay I am done with the time thing! Haha :)
I already have a migraine, it's probably from my medication. Time to take more to get rid of the migraine! Advil doesn't effect you that much, so it's all good. Today I have my job orientation! I don't know what to wear or anything, but Abby - the manager - said it doesn't really matter because all it's going to be is paperwork. But I'm going to look my best, despite what Ed has to say. Although I'm slaving for him this morning, I will hush him down to get myself ready for this job.
My hair is falling out again, just as badly as last summer too. You know what that means! You know what though? I know my dad & Pam know that I'm having behaviors. Everyone does. My sister, my mom, my counselors, everyone. But they're not doing anything about it. They don't know what to really do for me either, and I'm glad they are just staying out of it. Then again, maybe they don't know. Maybe all my fat just shows them how much I'm consuming or keeping down, how much I'm not working out. I want them to be concerned, I want them to make comments. It feeds Ed. Ha wow, that's ironic. We starve ourselves to feed Ed his satisfaction. It's so true.
Well I'm going to end this, & go work out. I will until I pass out. - This weekend is my sister's graduation party and I want people's jaw to drop as they see me. - I want it to be like last summer, I want to hear all the "Oh my goodness, she's so skinny!" & "She must live off of air!" & "Oh of course you make the skinniest girl carry the heaviest things." & "You can eat anything, if I could take a hundred pounds off of me to give to you I would!" & "EAT SOMETHING!" .
I want all of those words to fill up my head. I want everyone to make at least one comment. If I can get that, then I'm doing good. If I don't, then you better believe I'm bringing ana back strong. Oh hell yeah. ♥


  1. ed thoughts can be so consuming sometimes. but satisfying too, especially when we get those comments. i don't want people to worry, but at the same time i want them to care. silly.

    sorry for the ramble
    love, xo

  2. exsactly its nice when everyone notices ed's hard work and it only fires us up ,ik wat u mean a/b getting everone to pay attention 2 ed,its lyk no 1 cares unless ur were u wnna be (n then they want 2 take it away!)

  3. i misss those words i havent had ppl say that to me in awhile i know it furstrtes me when they do but i still wanna hear them
    hope ur job orientation goes good